Zac's Story

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom
and knowledge of God!

How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!

"Who has known the mind of the Lord?

Or who has been his counselor?"

"Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?"

For from him and through him and to him are all things.

To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

We traveled to Iowa City again on the 30th.  I was scheduled for a modified barium swallow test and esophagram along with an evaluation by an Otolaryngologist (head and neck doctor).  The swallow test involved taking different consistencies of barium - a white substance which ranged from water consistency to peanut butter consistency.  They took a series of x-rays as they watched me swallow.  I somehow gulped it all down...and passed with flying colors!  They did not see anything of concern with my swallow.

I guess to back things up a bit...the reason for concern with my swallow is because of the pressure I've been experiencing in my neck.  The MRI a few weeks ago ruled out additional tumors or spreading of the tumor.  However, the brain tumor, if it would continue to grow could eventually affect my swallowing, leaving me unable to swallow (yes, that's a hard sentence to...umm "swallow").  So they just wanted to make sure the tumor wasn't bothering these particular nerves.  We were obviously excited that this wasn't the case. 

After these tests I headed to the head and neck doctor.  They decided they wanted to run another test on me...not sure what it was called, but this is what it involved...they took a small skinny cord (about the thickness of most phone chargers).  At the end of it was a tiny camera.  And they snaked it through my nose.  There was a tv screen right in front of me so I could watch.  I couldn't really watch but apparently they fished it so far up and around that they were able to see my tongue.  They had me move my tongue around...and again found nothing at all to be concerned about! 

So...the doctor said "Good news, nothing's wrong with your swallowing.  Bad news, we don't know what's causing the issues with your neck."  Ever since treatment, I've seen improvements in my facial weakness and my hearing and vision have also improved.  Nothing's back to normal...but it has gotten better.  We asked the doctor if this could all be related to the nerves trying to work again.  He said it could be the nerves trying to send messages, but just mis-firing.  Because we now know that the tumor is smaller, there are no tumors on my spinal cord, nothing's wrong with my swallow, we are just not going to worry about this.  We'll keep an eye on it if it gets worse or changes, but we're just going to hope for now that it's just the nerves trying to figure out how to work again.

Thank you so much for praying.  We are thankful for all the good news we've had recently and are ready to enjoy summer.  God bless!

"The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

We decided awhile back to stop writing on our blog, mainly because things had been going fine for some time and there had been nothing new to share. However, people ask from time to time how I’m doing, so we thought we’d share about my recent appointment!


Back in January, I started experiencing muscle tightness in my neck and throat. The only other time this had happened was for several weeks during and after treatment.  It’s so hard for me to explain what it is exactly…it’s just a slight tightness or perhaps twitching that occurs in my neck & throat area, usually after I’ve been talking a lot. It’s not painful, just more of an annoyance. In the last month, however, it became much more frequent. Because it was something I dealt with during treatment, it became a concern for me…of course my first thoughts were…the tumor has spread…the tumor has grown and is pressing on more nerves…We prayed this wasn’t the case!

I emailed my doctor a few days before my scheduled MRI on May 7, letting him know that this had been happening again and asked if I could have more tests done. Back when I experienced it during treatment, they couldn’t figure out what it was and they just said they’d keep an eye on it. So they scheduled me for an additional MRI of my spinal cord, along with the regular brain MRI. Usually when I go to my appointments, I have little fear…I have felt great so I have no concern about what the scan will show. So this was the first time I started to feel anxious again. I had to repeat some of the verses that helped me through treatment…Trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6)…Do not be anxious about ANYTHING (Philippians 4:4-7)…The peace that surpasses all understand will guard your hearts (Philippians 4:4-7)…To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:14-21)...

We were so excited to find out that day that there was nothing showing up on the spinal cord scan! The radiologist’s report wasn’t back yet, but my doctor couldn’t see anything. The report for the brain MRI was finished and the radiologist called the tumor stable again!

My doctor always shows us the scans and compares them side-by-side with my previous scan (usually from 6 months ago). He did the same this time and you could see that it was pretty close to identical. But we asked if he could compare it to two years ago (just to make sure there wasn't small growth occuring like was the case several years ago). He said sure…and I’m pretty sure there was a moment of stunned silence as Dr. Smith, Zac, and I all looked in awe at my current scan next to one from November 2009 (4 months after treatment). It was quite a bit smaller! My doctor was very pleased...as were we!. It’s apparently been getting smaller over the last two years, just at a slow enough rate that it’s harder to see in smaller periods of time!

He decided to refer me on to a head & neck doctor though to see if we can figure out my neck issues. I’ll go back to Iowa City May 30th for a swallow study and more appointments. My MRI showed that my spinal cord is as straight as can be, so that could be part of the problem, but may not be. Zac and I like to have fun and have concluded that it’s my nerves, previously damaged by the tumor, starting to work again now that they don’t have the pressure of the tumor on them. Sounds logical, don't you think?  ; ) We’ll let you know how the next appointment goes!

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans: 8:31-32

Once again, the tumor is stable...with possibly a little bit of shrinkage!!! : ) The two of us have had a fabulous day. It's always nice to take a break from work and spend the day together, even if it's spent driving and waiting in doctor's offices. There's so much I want to share, but I'll try to stick to the good stuff.

After my MRI, we met with my radiation oncologist. He's always been so good about showing us the scans and he always pulls up an image from today with the exact image from 5 months ago. He walks us through it, explaining the details. Before he showed them to us, he shared that they looked good and it possibly looks slightly smaller. He explained that this could be because of the different machine they used today, how I was situated, or foods I had eaten. However, he went on to show us, and beaming, he said he was very pleased with how they looked. Zac and I are obviously no doctors, but with our own eyes we could definitely see that it was smaller! And the fact that it has continued to shrink even 2 years after treatment is even more amazing!!

I'm sure many of you have had an MRI done for various reasons. Many people usually say they can't stand them. They hate the noise or hate being in a tight area where they can't move. Well I'm one of those strange people who actually doesn't mind them. It's actually a time when I'm forced to just lay still and relax, which I rarely do at home. Even though there's an annoying and loud buzzing and hammering around me, it's somehow quiet for me. I'm able to just turn my complete attention to God and pray for 30 minutes. And I love it! I recently did a bible study on the book of Daniel. At one point, Daniel explains a time when he was praying and an angel of the Lord came to him. He says, "While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin...and making my request to the LORD my God...while I was still in prayer, Gabriel...came to me...and said to me..."As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given, which I have come to tell you."" (sorry for the paraphrase!). That was my prayer today - that as I was still praying, as the MRI was being done, that God would answer us. And he did! Bit by bit, this tumor is getting smaller and we are so thankful for what the Lord has done for us and through us.

I mentioned yesterday that this would be my last post. It makes me sad, because I've enjoyed writing on here so much. We know that since the tumor's still there, something could still happen, but for the last year and a half, I have felt great and don't have too much to report. Zac and I are ready to move on and see what God has next for us. But before that, I have a bit more to share that's been my heart.

Like I mentioned, I just finished a study on Daniel (which contains prophesy or things to come). Through this study, along with sermons at church, a book our bible study has been reading and other messages I've heard recently, I've felt this great need to share what I know about Christ. In my Daniel study, we studied what will happen to all of us when we die or when Christ returns to earth, whichever comes first. It absolutely frightens me to think what will happen to those who have not placed their trust in Jesus Christ.

Over the past 4 1/2 years, I've had fear from my diagnosis - but it was always fear of dying young, of leaving my husband, my family and loved ones behind. But I never had fear of where I would go once I died. In college, I recognized that I was sinful, and I recognized that my only way to eternal life, is through placing my trust in Christ. He died on the cross as a sacrifice for me, for my sins. I asked Christ to forgive me and because of him, I can now stand before the throne of God, in confidence and one day I will live forever!

I always thought I'd go to heaven because I went to a Christian church, and celebrated Christmas and Easter. But I was missing it all entirely. I had to understand what Easter stood for. I had to recognize that Jesus died on the cross that day to pay for our sins. And I had to fall on my knees, ask him for forgiveness, and ask him to live in my heart. And I developed a personal relationship with him. I've found the greatest joy and peace in my relationship with Christ. And I hope and pray you have too.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

I'm pretty sure no one's still checking this, considering the last time we posted was at Christmas-time. However, just at the odd chance that one person out there is still reading, we thought we'd add an update. Zac and I are heading to Iowa City in the morning for a five month checkup. We'll be sure to post again tomorrow night...and then I think it's time to wrap up our blog. Although we've been through ups and downs over the past couple years, it's been fun sharing on here what God is doing in our life.

We don't anticipate any changes tomorrow - I've been feeling great - better than I have in a couple of years. I really can't remember the last headache I've had. About a week ago, I started having strange, minor pains in my head one day. I panicked for a slight moment and then remembered the verse that got me through every day of treatment: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:4-7. When I was first diagnosed, I had a friend (through my sister, Angie) who told me that often times she'd get these pains in her head and it was her reminder to pray for me. So when it happened to me last week, after I got rid of the original fear, it reminded me to pray for two special people - one is a 5 year old girl who has a similar brain tumor and was returning last week for a check-up and the other was a friend about my age who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, just month before her wedding day (much like Zac and I). She happened to be starting radiation last week when these pains happened. I turned my prayers from my own irrational fears, to prayers for these two...and by the end of the day, the pain had disappeared and they both are doing well! God is so good!

Thank you so much for YOUR prayers. Like I said, I'll write one last time tomorrow night, sharing news of our appointment, as well as something that's been on my heart the past few months. God bless.