The Joy that's Coming

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18

I found this song a few months ago. I thought it was pretty fitting for what's going on in our life, as well as what goes on in everyone's life at some point - hurt and pain. But when we look at the bigger picture and realize that maybe these things are happening to bring a better ending, we're able to press on. If you haven't ever listened to the songs on our website, turn on the speakers, and listen to Before the Morning by Josh Wilson.

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending.
Some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see.

Chorus:
Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming.

So hold on, you got to wait for the light.
Press on, just fight the good fight
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning.

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there.
So say a prayer
and hold on, cause there's good for those who love God.
Life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Chorus

Once you feel the weight of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory.
Once you feel the weight of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah

Chorus

Surely goodness and love will follow me.

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

Psalm 23:6

We finally made it back from Iowa City. It was a very long day as everyone was running behind. But the good news is - the tumor is still considered stable! My radiation oncologist always shows us the pictures side-by-side with my last set of scans and pointed out that it actually appears slightly smaller compared to February! But he was hesitant to say so until the radiologist submitted his report (which we never got today as they were running behind). However, Zac and I saw with our own eyes - and we could see a very, very slight decrease!

There's not too much to report regarding the appointments. My doctors didn't spend too much time with me, because nothing really is wrong with me! : ) I feel absolutely great. My headaches are rare. My vision and hearing are slightly improved. My balance is good. As we looked around the waiting rooms, we were just overwhelmed by the number of cancer patients that are always there. The children. The people so weak they can't walk. It made me so very thankful that, although I have a tumor, I am doing as well as I am. I'm able to physically enjoy life right now, with my husband, with my family and with my friends.

We got to Iowa City a little early this morning so we decided to stop by Hope Lodge (which is where we stayed last year during treatment). We wanted to say hi to Kim, who ran the place at the time (we didn't get to see her because she happened to be on vacation). As we pulled into the parking lot, I was overwhelmed. Tears welled up. Memories from last year came flooding back (as they have the last few weeks). It's funny how so many things remind me of last year - there are foods I ate last summer that make me sick to my stomach and certain smells that remind me of treatment. As we walked into the radiation clinic, I could distinctly smell what I smelled everyday during and after treatment (Zac couldn't smell a thing).

Zac and I keep praying continuously that this tumor will one day be gone. We pray for the day when the doctors come in and say they don't need to see me again. We pray for the day when I have my last MRI. We pray for the day when I have my last set of bloodwork done at the cancer center. We pray for the day when the only thing we drive to Iowa City for is for an Iowa Hawkeye football game. But until that day comes, as we pray continuously, we also praise God for giving me life these 3 1/2 years. We praise God that treatment is done. We praise God that we have seen improvements in my body over the year. We praise God for who He is - God over All.

ONE YEAR!!

I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 40 1-3

It's so hard to believe that it's been a full year since going through treatment already! I remember when I started on June 15, 2009 thinking it was going to be the longest 6 weeks of my life. And then thinking - who knows what the outcome will even be from this? Where will I be in one year? Will this even be worth it since treatment is not a cure? Twelve months later and it was definitely worth it. I am feeling absolutely great! I am doing things that were not possible for me over a year ago. I remember the first time I ran this spring (I'm not a runner, I just ran across the street!) and it was the best feeling in the world. Before treatment, that would have sent me to the ground in pain. I've also had fun times this summer with my nieces and nephews - chasing after them, diving headfirst into a slip-n-slide with Kate, jumping on a trampoline. I guess after living like a 90 year old last summer, I've decided to live like a kid this summer. Why not? God is good - He has put a new song in my mouth!

There have been other changes over the course of the year. Last summer I spent my time hiding my bald spots. This summer I spend my time straightening my new hair. They told me my hair would probably grow in differently, and that it did! I would love curly hair - if it ALL was curly. But it's only in the spots where they treated me! Oh well, bigger things to worry about. Last summer I wanted people to speak up so I could hear them clearly. This summer there are some people that I wouldn't mind if they were a little more quiet! (Just kidding!)

It's now time to head back to Iowa City for a 5 month checkup. We're heading over this Monday, June 19. Please pray for a great report. As I continue to feel better each day, we pray that the tumor will shrink each day. Each time I've returned for a checkup over the year, they have been unable to tell me that the tumor is noticeably smaller. We boldly pray that this time we will hear those words - that the tumor has indeed shrunk. Please, please, please pray for this with us!

Please also continue to pray for healing of my eyes. Although my vision has improved, there is still more needed. My eyes probably give me the most trouble of all. They burn often throughout the day and eye drops haven't seemed to help. Pray also for increased strength in my facial muscles. Again, we have seen slight improvements but there is definitely more needed. These are probably the top two side effects from this tumor, but the column on the left has more things to continue praying for.

We'll be sure to let you know how Monday goes. And for my very few faithful followers of this blog, sorry for no new updates in such a long time. I guess we've just been too busy enjoying life to spend it on the internet. However, when I logged in to write tonight, I realized how much I missed this - being able to share what God is doing through this journey. About the only thing from last summer that I actually miss I guess!

Finally - an update!

Praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD, O my soul. I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

Psalm 146:1-2

It's amazing to think that it's been a full 3 years since I was first diagnosed with a brain tumor. And even crazier to think that I've probably had the tumor for 13+ years! God has definitely taken care of me during these years and He encouraged us this past week during my appointments.

After bloodwork and the MRI, we met with my oncologist and radiation oncologist. In the past 3 years, these 2 appointments have been the most encouraging. The tumor remains stable, which is what the doctors were hoping for. At most appointments we've had, the doctors have hinted at a shorter life for me. But last Monday, my oncologist said that there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to live a long life. He explained that the brain takes a really long time to heal. The damage from the tumor and from treatment, may just take a really long time to heal. And we've already seen tremendous healing (some vision and hearing improvements), so there could definitely be more on the way!

I think some people thought we were crazy for waiting 2 1/2 years to start treatment. But we know that this is exactly where God wanted us. There have been the little things - like having lodging provided for us in Iowa City this past summer by the Hope Lodge, which opened in October 2008. If we had gone through treatment 3 years ago, we would have been staying in a depressing hotel room. Besides this, and other small things, there were the big things - like the treatment I received. The knowledge and wisdom of doctors has expanded and the treatment I got was different than it would have been 3 years ago. I now have the opportunity to receive chemotherapy again down the road if needed, whereas 3 years ago, that would not have been an option. I could continue, but just know there were many blessings along this journey.

So often, when faced with bad news, all we see is the negative. But "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him." (Romans 8:28). 3 years ago, sitting in my doctors office, having just been told I have a brain tumor, all I could see was the negative. But along the way, we have seen God provide so much good in this. We are thankful for this positive check-up and won't have to return to Iowa City for another 4 months!

3 Month Check-up

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured. Mark 1:40-42

Zac and I are off to Iowa City Monday morning for a 3 month MRI and appointments with my oncologist and radiation oncologist. These 3 months have flown by and they've been filled with many blessings along the way. My hair has grown back in, my taste buds have already been restored (they said it could take 6-12 months and it took 5!), my hearing and vision have both slightly improved, and there have been no head "pains" (with only a couple minor headaches). God is so good!

Please pray with us for a great report tomorrow. We know that God has the power to heal me, but we pray that it is God's will to heal me. We continue to boldly ask, with confidence, for this healing.

We may not be able to update the website with tomorrow's results until Thursday. But we'll get something posted as soon as we can.